Go, Go, Ulquiorra!
by Euregatto
Summary: Aizen has the Espada dress up and go trick-treating in the Real World just so he can have the day to himself. Follow them in their seriously jacked up story of how to survive Halloween with the Humans! Except Barragan. He's passing out candy to sand...
1. Costumes

"SAY WHAT?!" Grimmjow and Szayel retorded at the same time.

Aizen shot them a smirk of success, "You heard me. Halloween is tomorrow night and I've assigned what you will go trick-or-treating as."

Nnoitra raised his hand, "Hey, Aizen-sama? No offense, but isn't the point of Halloween to dress up as whatever _the trick-or-treater _wants to be?"

The ex-Shinigami thought for a moment, "Hai, but I know how unoriginal you Espada are. And, Halloween also happens to be my day off so I don't want to be bothered by any of you! Now then, I have already assigned what you all will go as."

"What if we don't want to do this?" Stark asked.

"You're going rather you like it or not!" Aizen boomed. Grimmjow mumbled something under his breath but Aizen ignored him, "Now, I shall read from the list!" He plucked a sheet of paper from Gin's hand, then cleared his throat and read aloud.

"Stark, you will be Robin: Boy Wonder!"

Stark shot him a WTF expression. "Sir, wouldn't that be just a smidge more logical for Ulquiorra?"

"Yes, but I don't like the idea of him in green tights. It's just...wrong..."

Stark flicked a glare at Grimmjow as he started chuckling.

"Barragan! You will be a bag of Welch's Fruit Snacks!"

Barragan groaned, "Aizen-sama, I kindly refuse to partake in such a childish activity! After all, how many old people do you see now-a-days actually moving?" Aizen tapped his chin. "It seems you're right. Fine, you get to sit outside Las Noches and give out candy to anyone passing by!"

"Dammit!" He muttered.

Aizen continued, "Halibel, you get to be Barbie--"

"I'd rather kill myself," She interuppted darkly. Aizen sighed, "Fine, you can cosplay as Hermione from Harry Potter."

She didn't reply.

"Ulquiorra," Aizen turned to his favorite Espada, "You get to be Power Ranger Red! The Leader!"

Ulquiorra bowed, "As you wish, sir."

Aizen straightened at Nniotra who braced himself for his most-likely stupid-ass costume. "Tigger the tiger from Whinnie the Pooh." Scratch that. Borderline retarded-ass costume.

"There is no way I am going as Tigger the retarded cat!" Nnoitra received a harsh glare from Grimmjow, "Let The Old Guy's Fraccion be Tigger! He's the tiger! I'm a mantis!"

"No changing! Besides," Aizen shrugged, "the Fraccion don't count. I'll make note of Ggio Vega next year. Grimmjow!" The espada instantly straightened from his slouching position but still sneered. "You are Amy the Hedgehog!"

"As if!"

"Fine, you can be Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Why not Shadow? He's twice as kick-ass as Sonic will ever be!"

"You're Sonic and that's final!"

Grimmjow folded his arms back against his chest and huffed.

Aizen continued on to Zommari, "You're simple, Zommari." The Espada (who was meditating before) cracked an eye open. "You're a pumpkin."

"LUCKY BASTARD!" Grimmjow and Nnoitra snapped.

"Szayel Aporro Granz!" Aizen pointed at the pink-haired Espada, "I was going to make you a mad scientist but you already are one! So, instead, you get to be Alvin the Chipmunk."

Szayel bit his tounge. _Damn him!_

"Arroniero! I couldn't come up with anything interesting for you so," Aizen held up a fake servered arm, "You're a zombie!"

"How original," Stark stated. Aizen rolled his eyes and passed the rubber limb to Arroniero who just studied it. "And last but not least--actually, you are. Well, in rankings you're supposed to be first and not Stark but I've decided to make you last..."

Yammy pouted and remained silent.

"...I've made you Frankenstein!"

"Ah, Hell no!"

"JK!" Aizen wafted his hand. Only one thing passed through everyone's mind. _Did he just seriously speak internet language? _"You're gonna be... Actually, yeah. I had you down as Frankenstein... You're out of luck."

"Damn it all!" Yammy pounded his fist into the floor.

Aizen passed the paper back to Gin. "Alright, now head back to your rooms! You should find your costumes on your beds... Except you Barragan, you'll find bags of chocolate and skittles."

The Espada looked at each other uncomfortably.

---

Tousen set the candy bags on Barragan's bed and then two black couldron buckets. He moved out the rather worldly-sized room only a few minutes before the Old Fart arrived.

Barragan spied the candy set on his king-sized bed and sneered. "That stupid Aizen and his stupid authority! I outta..."

"King-sama, are you OK?"

"How many times have I told you about disturbing me without knocking, Ggio?" The Old Espada turned abruptly to see his Fraccion peering over, stacked above each other. Ggio's head was visible lowest to the floor, then Findor, Charlottle, Avirama, Niggre, and then Poww.

Ggio opened his mouth to reply but Avirama dragged him out of hiding and pinned him to the floor by the neck. "Yeah, squirt!" Ggio struggled to get Redder's tight grip to loosen.

"My deepest...Gah!...Apologizies!"

"Redder, release him." Barragan commanded and Avirama let go of the Fraccion rather bitterly. Ggio rolled to his knees and frowned, "Sir, how was the meeting?"

"It was hell!" He barked. His Fraccion entered the room, eager to hear his story. "Aizen Mc Spazalot must've had a bowl of Happy-go-Stupid this morning! He's making me sit outside Las Noches and give out candy to passing strangers! Scratch that, passing sand! And he's forcing the rest of his slaves to go to the real world and embark on some pointless mission to collect candy!"

"Sounds ugly," Cuuhlhorn noted.

"Very," Barragan agreed.

---

Stark held up the tights. "What the... How do people wear these things?!"

"I think it's cute," Lilinette chimed. She was on her stomach on his bed, kicking her legs in the air and studying him intently.

"I can't believe I'm going thru with this," Stark held up the small black eye mask to his Fraccion. She giggled. "I suddenly find the whole thing stupid."

"You have no idea..."

---

Halibel's Fraccion leaned over the clothing, analyzing it curiously. Apache gave the suit a quick poke and drew back--afraid it was going to jump up and bite her.

"What is it?" Mila asked. Sun-Sun slapped her hand over her face, "I'm stranded with idiots... It's a cosplay outfit! Hermoine from Harry Potter!"

"How would you know so much, Sunny?" Apache scolded her question. Sun-Sun shot a quick glance over at her bed. The corner of the novel _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows _was jutting out from under her pillow. "Because, unlike you two, I'm smart."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" The two snapped.

Sun-Sun furrowed her brow, "It means what I said."

Halibel stalked into the room at the same moment, "I hope you girls are playing nice."

They twisted around and saluted, "Yes ma'am!" they recited. Halibel strode over to her bed and just stared down at the uniform. "Oh for the love of..."

---

Ulquiorra sighed heavily and just glared down at disgustingly bright red Power Rangers constume.

"It's at times like these I see why I need to make a list of a few directors who need to die a miserable death..."


	2. The Attempt

The road was crowded with young and old children, some bounded about with their parents. Ulquiorra shifted uncomfortably in his costume. His mask wouldn't fit under his Power Rangers helmet so he just stuffed it in his black couldron bucket.

It could've been worse--He could've had to dress up as Hello Kitty like Aizen forced Barragan too so he didn't scare away the 'kids' when the came around. When the hell would happen?

In the distance he saw a flash of green, yellow, and red. The same multi-colored blur moved behind a tree. Then ducked into the bushes. A head poked out of the shrubs, glanced around, and hid again.

Ulquiorra arched an eyebrow. _Stark? _Yeah, it was him. the Primera sprang from the underbrush and raced over to Ulquiorra, sliding infront of him. "I am Robin: Boy Wonder! Hear me roar!" Stark struck a heroic pose.

"What are you doing?" Ulquiorra asked. Stark shifted into another pose, "Trying to make the best of this seriously twisted night!"

"You're doing one hell of a job," the Ranger eyed some little kid dressed as a butterfly who started tugging on Stark's cape. "Excuse me sir," she slurred past a mostly toothless mouth, "are you Robin Hood?"

Stark turned to the kid and just stared down at her, "No, I'm Robin: Boy Wonder! Big difference."

She shrugged, "Oh well. Hey, aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" Ulquiorra said it as more of a rhetorical question. The girl shrugged again and skipped off to the nearest house--her butterfly wings bobbing back and forth along with her atenna headband.

"Humans are weird," Stark stated, "I mean, haven't her parents taught her not to talk to strangers?"

"Obviously not," Ulquiorra replied, jamming his hands in his pockets--which weren't there. He cursed inwardly.

---

Barragan poked the flower in his hair and fumed. He just sat there on the sand, grumpy in his overheating Hello Kitty costume; the buckets of candy at his side.

"Me and my big mouth..."

Anything was better than sitting here handing out candy to nothing.

---

Nnoitra tossed the toiletpaper roll over the house, the trails of white comsuming the foundation. He had been at this for the entire half hour the Espada hd been there. There were still 3-5 hours left.

"Y'know teepeeing (sp? o.o) was for yesterday, right?" Halibel folded her arms back against her chest. Nnoitra turned to her and sneered, "Yeah, well, I missed out so now I'm getting my revenge!"

"You don't look so evil with that Tigger-the-bouncing-crackjob suit on."

"Sh-shuddup!" He pulled off his hood and then focused back on what he was doing, "At least I don't have to wear some high school witch costume that makes me look like an all-too-obvious imposter!"

"That's why it's called cosplay, genious," she said in her usual flat-out tone of I-wouldn't-care-even-if-you-crowned-me-Queen-of-the-universe.

He mumbled her last statement under his breath and chucked a fresh roll across the yard. It wove into a tree.

---

Zommari rang the doorbell. Szayel was beside him, examining the large A that was woven into his red sweater. "This is cheap!" Szayel whined, "Everyone get's really cool costumes and all I get is a sweater and a stupid little cap!"

He turned the crimson baseball cap backwards, "I mean really!" then adjusted it correctly on his head just as a woman opened the door.

"Trick-or-treat!" Zommari held up his skeleton skull printed bag, "I am the great pumpkin here to collect his reward!"

"Aren't you men a little old to be doing this?" The woman asked, resting one hand on her hip. Szayel adjusted his glasses, "You see, madame, we're actually on a top secret mission! it requires us to collect as much candy as we can by the end of the night!"

"Ah, so it's a game?"

"You could say that."

She shook her head, but smiled inspite herself. She reached over to a small table and plucked two candy bars from the bowl. "Men these days. Alright, here you go." She dropped one in each of the Espada's bags.

"Thank you very much, Human woman," Zommari bowed to her. She chuckled nervously, "OK. Run along now. Weirdos..." She closed the door in Szayel's face.

Szayel picked up the candy bar from his bag and studied it, "Hm... 3 Musketeers. But there's only 1 bar... Humans and their lame jokes."

Zommari held up his, "Mine says Snickers. Does it make you laugh evilly when you eat it?"

"Hell if I know," Szayel shrugged.

---

Grimmjow pushed the kid to the ground and snatched up his stuffed candy bag, "Damn, kid! You got one hell of a load tonight!"

The child began to sob--after all, he looked on 9 or 10. Grimmjow tossed the kid his empty sack, "Here, keep mine and start all over. By the way, I love your costume. Superman? How original."

He bounded off into the night, knowing the kid would cry to his mom about being mugged by a blue hedgehog.

---

"What is it? Candy?" Yammy and Arroniero studied the bar closely. "It says Hersey's..." Yammy looked at the 9th who took the form of the Shinigami's soul he had eaten. "...What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Arroniero bit his lower lip, "Well, if I'm correct it's something the humans call 'chocolate'. I wish Granz was here, he might know."

"Hey, are we going to be like this for the rest of the night, or are we gonna go get some more free stuff?"

"After me."

"I thought it was--nevermind..."

**Hope you enjoyed! Next chap coming very soon! ~Sam**


	3. Not A Freak

Barragan started to doze off only an hour into the candy-passing-outing-of-extreme-evilly-evilness when Ggio, Avriama, Cuhhlhorn, and Findor approached.

"Excuse us, Barragan-sama," Ggio said--he and the three other Fraccion were wearing seriously...off...costumes--"but we decided to come and keep you company. Aizen gave us the OK--but we were forced to wear stupid costumes like the other Espada running around in the Real World."

Barragan sighed heavily, "You all look like a bunch of little human children. What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Pikachu!" Ggio struck a low pose his fuzzy bright yellow suit.

"I'm Barbie!" Cuuhlhorn flipped his now blonde hair, "Only because Halibel refused such a beautiful costume!"

"I'm Hermit the Frog!" Avirama jumped in the air, pretending to be a toad. "It's Kermit," Ggio corrected.

"And I am...actually, I don't know what I'm supposed to be," Findor examined his baggy rainbow clothing, then tapped his sunglasses, "I think Aizen said it was a Hippi..."

Barragan eyed them awkwardly, "Where might Poww and Nirgge be?"

They shared funny expressions then pointed to the corner nearby. "Nirgge!" Barragan snapped, "Poww! Get out here, now!" Nirgge was the first to approach, to the point of tears he was so embarrassed.

"Zoh-Em-Gee you look like an idiot!" Avriama exclaimed and he, Ggio, and Findor hit the ground, laughing hysterically.

Yes, Aizen had made Nirgge a ballerina.

Cuuhlhorn's nose started bleeding, "Oh crap! Call an ambulance! My beauty is being ruined by such a monstrocity!"

Nirgge was blushing madly and grumbled under his breath. Barragan arched an eyebrow, "You can go back to hiding now, Nirgge..." The Fraccion bowed and was instantly gone. Poww was the next to appear.

"Here we go..." Barragan rolled his eyes, "What are you supposed to resemble?"

The black helmet was making Poww sound like he was breathing backwards, "Darth Vader." He held up his platic red lightsaber, "Fear me. I'm going to destroy the universe."

Ggio and Avirama were practically crying it was so hysterical. Findor managed to regain his mojo and Charlottle somehow stopped the bleeding.

"What?" Poww lowered his saber, "That's what Ichimaru said I was supposed to say."

"Sanity is no longer a word that exists in Hueco Mundo," Barragan muttered.

------------

Nnoitra got bored of throwing toilet paper. "OK, Halibel! We're going to Ding-Dong Ditch some houses!"

Halibel shook her head in utter confusion, "What?"

"You know the saying Trick-or-treat?"

"What about it?"

"Well, we're going to Trick, not Treat."

"Oh joy."

"Watch," Nnoitra crept across the street to a quiet house. Halibel curiously tailed after him all the way up to the door. He pressed the small button on the side and the bells chimed from inside. "Run!" He grabbed Halibel's wrist and dragged her into the bushes lining against the side of the house.

"Why are we--" Halibel started but Nnoitra hushed her, "Ssh! Watch."

Someone opened the door a few moments later, glanced around, "YOU DAMN KIDS! I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU!" then slipped back inside, slamming the door closed.

"I don't see how this is fun," Halibel stated then jumped out of the underbrush, "I'm going to see what the other Espada are doing. You enjoy pissing random people off."

"I will!" Nnoitra snapped and sneered at her back as she left.

A few moments later the houseowner came out, weilding a chainsaw like a madman. He reved it up, "I know you're in the bushes! You have three seconds to cut and run or I'm gonna CUT you up and you're gonna WISH you had RUN!"

Nnoitra's jaw fell open. _Holy Shi--_

----------------------

Stark and Ulquiorra strode down the street staring down at their empty bags.

"I think we should try and actually do something with ourselves," Ulquiorra remarked.

Stark shrugged, "I don't really want to. After all, this is a real pain in my ass. I'd rather be sleeping..."

"I wonder how the Old Bag of Bones is doing back in Hueco Mundo..."

"Why are you concerned?"

"I'm not. I just want another reason to ring Ichimaru's neck when I get back."

"If we get back..." Stark stated dryly and noticed a dark figure start to make her way up to them. It was Halibel. "Oh, look who it is. Tia Halibel, the Witch in diguise."

"Don't make me kick your ass," Halibel scolded and folded her arms against her chest, "Nnoitra just fell victim to a scene from that Texas Chainsaw Massacre moive. Should we save him?"

At that same moment Nnoitra came sprinting down the block with the chainsaw-guy chasing after him, shouting threats, waving the chainsaw around and shouting even more threats. "SAVE ME, DAMMIT!!" The Espada wailed, "I can't shake him!!"

He and the Mr.14-Years-In-The-Mental-Asylum-Down-The-Drain went speeding past.

Ulquiorra eyed the children observing in awe.

Stark slung his arm over Halibel's shoulders, "Whelp, he'd doomed. Help us get some candy."

"With pleasure."

The duo stalked off and Ulquiorra followed anyway. Maybe some humans weren't so bad after all.

--------------------

Grimmjow bumped into Szayel and Zommari while he was stalking down the street and digging through the candy bag he stole. "Ok... I got some twix, a handful of skittles... Dammit! No cat nip..."

"Oh, look who it is. Hello, Grimmjow."

He glanced up as the two approached, "What do you guys want?"

"Nice stash," Aporro mentioned.

"Jerk off," Grimmjow snapped, "I just took this from some random kid! He won't miss it...much."

"Can't you trick-or-treat liek normal people?" Zommari asked wearily.

"Nope," The Sexta answered, "I'm not a human. I do what I want on Holloween. Screw the rules."

Aporro sighed, "We're heading over to the next block. Wanna come with us?"

"Sure why not..." and the trio instantly went for some other house--that they would soon come to learn to be haunted...

-------------------

Yammy and Aaroniero were staring at a candy bar, trying to decide who would eat it first.

"Rock-paper-scissors?" The over-sized oaf suggested.

"I don't know how to play."

"Flip a coin?"

"You have any?"

"I hoped you would have one... Draw straws?"

"Don't have any of those, either..."

"Dammit..." Yammy huffed and stared around, "Come on! Where the hell could that pink-haired freakshow have run off to? I'm not gonna eat this unless I know it's safe!"

Aaroniero picked it up and ripped the bar out of the wrapper, "There's only one way to know..." and he swallowed the chocolat whole. Yammy's jaw dropped, "WHAT THE HELL?! You're gonna swallow it whole and you don't even know if its poisoned or not?!"

"It's fine," he noted and licked his lips, "Mmmm... Tasty..."

"You're a freak..."

"Shut up! I'm just different!"


	4. Cancelled

**My Dear Readers,**

I am sorry to have to tell you all this... but I'm discontinuing this story... (mainly out of writer's block...which is why I haven't updated in such a long time...)

Alright, look, I originally made this story out of boredom, and I didn't intend to actually get it anywhere... but, if I get really bored, I might update this XD don't get your hopes up though...

So...uhm...yeah... But thanx for reveiwing/reading everyone! You all get some of Barragan's candy!

hopefully it doesn't taste like sand!

**~Euregatto**


End file.
